As 2008 winds down, most everyone is looking ahead to next year. The parties on Wednesday night, the hangover on Thursday and then...Stark, cold reality. It's not all bad, of course. We have inauguration day to look forward to. And with that, the hope of an all-star cast of characters taking over Washington. Yes, things are in a shambles, but we are holding on because one man told us, "Yes, we can." We can, but we're kidding ourselves if we think it isn't going to take a lot of time, patience and true grit. And not just for president-elect Obama, but for each one of us. Because this time, it's personal in so many ways.
I'm anticipating a milestone birthday this week with mixed feelings. It isn't so much the number itself, but the time it represents. Did I waste these decades? Could I do something differently? It's difficult to not have regrets and yet...and yet...I'm still here. The other day, I read one resolution suggestion that has stuck in my head. It said that instead of asking "why" when bad things happen, we ask ourselves "how" to get past them. This year, rather than trying to hold myself to some impossible standards and feeling guilty when I don't achieve them, I'm going to just take a moment and ask, "how?"
It won't be easy and there will be days when I will forget, but I am promising myself to try. Because I'm just tired of sitting by and doing nothing. The last few years and in particular, this election, have made me realize that there is more to life than working out, eating right, calling your mother regularly and going to church. Those are all important components but what if, instead of merely tolerating another day, we tried to do something about it? Tried- really tried- to improve the circumstances we dislike the most? If each person would simply start the day with the idea that no matter what they do for a living, they are really working for themselves, productivity and outlook would improve. Most people give 99% of their best work over to their bosses, leaving that measly 1% to flicker and simper and dwindle and die each day. What if we gave our best to ourselves? What if we just took some time to really believe that our dreams still matter? Will always matter, whatever age one is?
Today I came back from a very peaceful Christmas with my family. Because of weather conditions, we stayed in my parents' home, the six of us and a dog, for three straight days. And it made me think about all the minutes, hours, days and weeks I spent with my parents and brother over the course of my childhood and early adulthood. Exactly what day did it all come to an end? It isn't written any place for posterity. There is no plaque on the wall to commemorate the date. It just all simply stopped one day. At first, I was sad about this but I now realize that the question isn't "why" or "when" it ended, the question is once again, "how." How to keep alive our family relationships. As it turns out, fate decided it for us, with very little planning or notice. Some of the activities were contrived, but mostly, it was all preordained.
In the morning, I arrived at work and the head of my department made a decision to confront me about the fact that I was an hour late. She did not ask me how my Christmas was or if my trip had gone smoothly. She just wanted to make a federal case out of the fact that I was not at work on time. This person considers herself to be a Christian, a good person. And yet...what could be so important about that one hour that she could not restrain herself, after my absence had been explained, from verbally attacking me and from abandoning her good will? Did she have any good will? Further, why should I even care?
We care because work has become so much of our lives that we can't discern between family and colleagues anymore. It's criminal that we see the people who pay us, more often than the people who love and support us emotionally. The system is sick and flawed. Again, why ask "why?" How to get out of this situation should be the only consideration.
There are any number of ways I could have confronted this person. I tried to stay calm and reasonable and I think I did a good job. But the bottom line is, that until others can embrace the idea of civility and respect for others, it is our job to be civil and respectful of ourselves. If that seems like a selfish notion, consider that if your spirit is broken and your morale is gone, you will have nothing left to give to others. It is for the greater good that one should look inside oneself and love what they see. This life is a gift and it is to be guarded, protected and nurtured at all costs. Silly, selfish bosses be damned!
In the end, I know that I am only one person- insignificant in the grand scheme of things. But if I don't try now, who will? It's easy to make excuses. Easy to berate oneself. It takes courage and honor to stand up and take positive action. To try to tackle the hard questions. And most of all, to be honest with oneself. "Why" doesn't matter. "Why" is the past. The future is "How."
