I just saw the new Woody Allen film, "Whatever Works" over the weekend. Allen wrote the film in his heyday, the 1970's, apparently for himself to star in. Any Allen fan will be able to recognize him in Larry David's character, Boris, because in typical Allen fashion, Boris presents to the world a person who has been beaten down by it. Someone who is smart enough to simultaneously recognize that he is a genius but that this life is an exercise in futility. We're all dying, we're all miserable, there is suffering and sadness and daily pain, he reasons, why pretend otherwise?
Unlike a lot of people, I share this philosophy. I mean, sure, I have good times and I enjoy sunshine and ice cream and puppies. But I choose not to fool myself that life is anything other than a long compromise. We agree to accept that we have no control and in return, we might be able to forget that fact for a little while, sometimes, if we're lucky enough to have the money to buy a bottle of vodka. Honestly, I think there are few people who would willingly just give up and elect to die. But at the same time, it's hard not to get beaten down by life. If you're not currently sick or unemployed or lonely or broke, there is always the knowledge that that could change at any moment. It's a lot of pressure, particularly in today's economy.
So, anyway, during the film I noticed, to my annoyance, that the other couples in attendance didn't seem to find Boris' crusty observations funny or even ironic. Isn't THAT ironic? Here we have young, hipster couples who probably volunteer for Habitat for Humanity and Race for the Cure, who obviously are aware of life's inequities, spending money on a Friday night to be entertained by a famously world-weary curmudgeon and they can't even find the humor in it! Instead, every time Boris rendered another one of his zesty observations on modern life- that we read about the atrocities in Darfur in the New York Times over a breakfast of all-natural cage-free eggs, because, well, what else can we do?- the audience just sort of stirred uncomfortably in their seats. I guess that's the point of the film. Whatever works! But still, I find myself annoyed by this and many other things. To wit:
1) This past Sunday's NY Times ran a front page story about how lawmakers are reluctant to ban cell phone use while driving. Then, they profiled an Oklahoma kid who killed a 61-year-old woman by driving through a red light (he didn't see it because he was texting or chatting or doing whatever was more interesting than paying attention to the road) and got off with a MISDEMEANOR. Seriously. He's not only not in jail, he's got a new truck that his grandma helped him buy and a "hands-free" cell phone kit that his concerned mother bought him. Seriously. The article quotes several politicians who claim that it's unrealistic to expect them to not talk all the way home on their two-hour commutes and they're not going to impose the horror of having to wait to make a phone call on anyone else, either. Meanwhile, a murderer is out on the streets, free to chat while driving. I don't care how sorry he is or that he didn't mean to do it. He's a murderer and the law needs to reflect that. But I'm guessing that the politicians are right- people just don't care about anyone else's rights or comfort, as long as they can get theirs.
2) President Obama's approval numbers have dipped pretty low this week. He probably deserves that, though. Afterall, he's been in office- what, a whole seven months or so? That's enough time to undo the economic nightmare that the last president created, isn't it? That's enough time to make peace in the Middle East, right? To win over Republicans, grant gays the right to marry (and call it marriage), lower taxes, create a workable health care plan AND respond to Sarah Palin's scintillating op-ed piece in last week's Washington Post, too. Despite what America thinks, our country is not a reality show and things aren't resolved with a very special two-hour season finale eight weeks after the premiere. There is no aftershow in which to review what went wrong for next season. No, this isn't reality, it's life. Obama is smart enough to realize that 100 percent of the pressure to reduce or eliminate the effects of Bush's mistakes are on him. And if he does not come through with even one or two of his campaign promises, there are those who will portray him as a failure. He probably won't be reelected because in this era of instant gratification and selfish objectives, we are only happy if our needs are met directly. And there are those who are frustrated with his need to be fair- to reach out to both sides of any issue in order to get the full picture to make the best decision. I know we're not used to that after the last eight years, but that truly is what is called reason. Frankly, I hope he doesn't look at approval polls. As history has proven, people are notoriously fickle. We all gave Bush a break after 9-11, even though in retrospect, we shouldn't have. I think the same courtesy should be extended to Obama now. If you're really displeased at the end of four years, by all means, vote for someone else. Seems like there are plenty of out-of-work governors these days who could use a new gig.
3) The people who breathlessly discuss Michael Jackson as though they have personal knowledge of who he was. I really did want to believe that racism had run its course in America, but apparently, a high-school mentality continues to pervade when it comes to MJ. Everyone seems to now say that they were comfortable with him "when he was black" but not when his skin color began changing color. There are those who still claim that he had been "bleaching his skin" in order to become white. It just seems to be a ludicrous suggestion, but beyond that, why would anyone be interested enough to make comments on it? We claim to be such a diverse and welcoming country but in the end, it seems that it's just easier to make fun of people who aren't like us. I would call that prejudice of the worst kind.
4) Cheerleaders. Would you believe that in 2009, in a recession, there are parents who send their daughters to cheerleader camps?? These are girls ranging in ages from 6-18. Some appear to be grown women, who spent upwards of 6 hours a day, prancing around in hot pants and hair ribbons, yelling and kicking. Couldn't we just call this what this is now? A simple route to dating the football team? Do parents really believe that this is the best use of their child's time? Yes, I know some boys participate in cheerleading, but it's with the same objective for them. This simply is an embarrassing, baldly sexist pursuit that ought to be banned, along with beauty pagents. As long as women are making 78 cents on the dollar that a man makes, the sexes are not equal, not even close. And cheerleading doesn't help change the perception that we don't mind making less, as long as you think we're pretty.
5) Is the "social media" craze almost over? Because I'm over it. So, here's a prediction: by this time next year, Facebook, Twitter and all of its ilk will have reached their plateau and we'll all be able to go back to life as usual, calling and e-mailing old friends we'd like to keep in touch with and not calling and e-mailing those we don't.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Soft-existential theories and Farrah
The announcement of Farrah Fawcett's death today has me oddly shaken and sad, and I have come to realize that my feelings aren't just based on the untimely passing of a famous person. Thinking about Farrah conjures also long-forgotten memories of childhood. Farrah was a pop-culture icon when I was growing up. Someone whose smiling photos could be seen everywhere- in toothpaste commercials and even on the box that my mother's hair dryer came in. I am startled to realize how well I remember that box and how, as a little girl, I wanted to look like Farrah. She seemed to me to be all of the things a woman should be- pretty, strong, athletic, nice. I didn't get to see very many episodes of "Charlie's Angels"- I guess I was too young. But I remember that poster. Even ten years after it was made, boys were still hanging it in their rooms. Farrah could have been dismissed as a mere pretty face with great teeth and hair, but when I was in high school, she starred in "The Burning Bed" and I saw that she was also a good actress.
I don't claim to know anything about her, other than her public image but her struggle with cancer reminds me how finite life is. Here was this endlessly fit, attractive, vibrant woman who had everything going for her and yet none of her healthy lifestyle prevented the cancer from taking over. It isn't fair, of course. I keep thinking life will become so one day, but it never does. It never makes any sense and I often ponder why we accept that life is this way. Charles Manson is still in jail- alive as ever. Why? Why do we never hear of serial killers or rapists enduring a painful cancer? Why must it always be someone who still has love and life left in them? Why did God make us crave stability and assurances in life when there are none?
Farrah Fawcett was one of many, many examples of womanhood for me in my early childhood. I admired a number of women whom I knew, read about and saw and I aspired, in some small way, to be like each of them. With Farrah's death, comes a death of a certain innocence, then, a certain hope. It makes no sense. It leaves no answers. And- the really big revelation- it happens to everyone. In life, as in death, a person ultimately only ever has oneself.
I am sad that Farrah did not win her fight. I am sad for her family and friends. I don't know what her death means for anyone, aside from the obvious loss of her presence. Perhaps it serves as a reminder that we can all be taken just as quickly as we arrive. That nothing we do in life, no matter how noble or stupid or heroic or average, means anything when it comes time to die. People fear life only because they fear death- if they had any assurance at all that life could go on as they know it indefinitely, then the risk of risk would disappear. It would be interesting to know what people would do if there was nothing to fear. Apparently, Farrah feared death but she chose to fight it. Was that brave of her? Does it matter now? We do these things because we want to live, we need to have hope. At 9:30 a.m. today, as most of us woke up, or sat at work or soothed a crying baby, Farrah was one of thousands of people who died. We acknowledge that this happens but we ignore it, too. Because it's a fact that someday, at 9:30 a.m. or 10:07 p.m. or midnight, we will cease to exist, too. And most of us are not looking forward to it, because we are afraid of the unknown. We are afraid of the pain of existence less than we are afraid of not existing at all.
There can be no end to this thought process until the end. Farrah, like others who have died or are dying this very minute, is on the other side now, and she either knows something that we don't or she has simply ceased to exist. Either way, we can't know that place until it is our turn. And the best we can hope for, when that day comes, is that someone will remember us in a positive way and perhaps keep us alive in memory, for a little while longer.
I wish I still had that hair dryer box.
I don't claim to know anything about her, other than her public image but her struggle with cancer reminds me how finite life is. Here was this endlessly fit, attractive, vibrant woman who had everything going for her and yet none of her healthy lifestyle prevented the cancer from taking over. It isn't fair, of course. I keep thinking life will become so one day, but it never does. It never makes any sense and I often ponder why we accept that life is this way. Charles Manson is still in jail- alive as ever. Why? Why do we never hear of serial killers or rapists enduring a painful cancer? Why must it always be someone who still has love and life left in them? Why did God make us crave stability and assurances in life when there are none?
Farrah Fawcett was one of many, many examples of womanhood for me in my early childhood. I admired a number of women whom I knew, read about and saw and I aspired, in some small way, to be like each of them. With Farrah's death, comes a death of a certain innocence, then, a certain hope. It makes no sense. It leaves no answers. And- the really big revelation- it happens to everyone. In life, as in death, a person ultimately only ever has oneself.
I am sad that Farrah did not win her fight. I am sad for her family and friends. I don't know what her death means for anyone, aside from the obvious loss of her presence. Perhaps it serves as a reminder that we can all be taken just as quickly as we arrive. That nothing we do in life, no matter how noble or stupid or heroic or average, means anything when it comes time to die. People fear life only because they fear death- if they had any assurance at all that life could go on as they know it indefinitely, then the risk of risk would disappear. It would be interesting to know what people would do if there was nothing to fear. Apparently, Farrah feared death but she chose to fight it. Was that brave of her? Does it matter now? We do these things because we want to live, we need to have hope. At 9:30 a.m. today, as most of us woke up, or sat at work or soothed a crying baby, Farrah was one of thousands of people who died. We acknowledge that this happens but we ignore it, too. Because it's a fact that someday, at 9:30 a.m. or 10:07 p.m. or midnight, we will cease to exist, too. And most of us are not looking forward to it, because we are afraid of the unknown. We are afraid of the pain of existence less than we are afraid of not existing at all.
There can be no end to this thought process until the end. Farrah, like others who have died or are dying this very minute, is on the other side now, and she either knows something that we don't or she has simply ceased to exist. Either way, we can't know that place until it is our turn. And the best we can hope for, when that day comes, is that someone will remember us in a positive way and perhaps keep us alive in memory, for a little while longer.
I wish I still had that hair dryer box.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Will Not Work For Anything
Wouldn't it be nice to not have to work? In this economy, everyone is walking around trying to convince themselves and others that "I'm just grateful to have a job." Well, I'm not. I mean, I'm grateful that I still have a (crappy) paycheck but resentful of the idea that recession=career stagnation. Frankly, as someone who made a career change out of necessity a few years ago, I feel like I'm ready for another. And yet, there are no jobs. So I feel stuck and envious of those people who have the money to just take some time out to figure out the rest of their lives. I look around me at work and people constantly complain that they are "exhausted" and "soooooooo busy" and I am sorry, but I think it's all a bunch of lies. If you really are that busy in the first place, you wouldn't have time to complain about it. Before the recession, it seemed to be some kind of badge of honor in most white-collar industries to gush about how tired and busy you were in your job. For many of my friends, it was a topic they never grew tired of reiterating to me..."Oh, I haven't worked out in a MONTH because I've been working until 5 a.m. but since I also forgot to eat during that time, I've also lost weight! Isn't that crazy," they would ask expectantly. Um, yes, crazy is one word to describe it. Stupid and embarrassing are more like it. Honestly, I don't understand why this is some kind of bragging right. Am I really supposed to be impressed that you've given up all human liberties and pleasures in order to serve someone else who is making money and taking the credit? Is this really what you will remember fondly on your deathbed?
Don't get me wrong- a strong work ethic is one of many virtues in life but when the balance of life is turned upside down, I see no other course of action but to try and right it. But people don't want to stand up for themselves out of fear of losing their jobs. Which, in turn, sends entirely the wrong message to employers and supervisors, who seem to like to punish those workers who are most expedient. Think about it: If you blaze through a project with speed and accuracy to terrific results, are most bosses going to give you the rest of the day or week off? NO! They will give you a pat on the back and expect you to keep working. Where is the incentive in that scenario to finish quickly again? Certainly, completing a task well should provide a sense of accomplishment in and of itself, but at the same time, come on- in the end, wouldn't you rather be spending what should be your free time travelling, seeing friends and family or just taking care of yourself than getting a bonus at the end of the year? What good is money if you can't enjoy spending it? And in my case, I'm not even making any decent money. It would cost the company nothing to let me go early on occasion.
America traditionally has spent way too much time in pursuit of the almighty dollar with precious little concern for actually living LIFE. Perhaps Europeans spend more on taxes but look what they get in the end- balance and pleasure in their lives. The freedom to know themselves. And perhaps most important of all, an understanding of the fact that we are human beings and as such, we need sleep, we need food and we need time to simply recharge.
Am I overworked? I don't think so. But I am not free. I have a job which requires me to sit in my seat from 8:30 until 5 and only pays me for 30 minutes of my lunch hour. I am bored beyond belief and do not agree with the often silly and meaningless rules, which do not take into consideration the needs and desires of the individual. As Americans, we claim to be against communism but within this employment system, the ideals of communism do exist. Let Big Brother tell you what to wear, what to say on the phone, when you can eat, when you can go to the bathroom, what you believe in...
The people who have bragged to me most about their busy-ness also tend to think of themselves as liberal and free. But they are not. They have swallowed whole the idea that in order to be good, productive and successful citizens, they must completely commit to their jobs and they must do them exactly as the leaders of the company want them to. They must put everything in their lives in second place, including time off. They must always be wired up and accessible to take the next instruction. As a result, you see people on family vacations, parked on a beach blanket staring intently at their laptops and Blackberries. What is the point of being away physically, when in mind and spirit, you are absent? We are a nation of zombies, not brought closer by technology and jobs but are instead being further separated than ever from our true lives.
I continue to ask for unpaid time off- of course, my current employer behaved as though they'd never even heard of such a thing- but until others share my fight and decide to demand their rights, this exploitation and wastefulness of life will continue as America gulps down microwave lunches, attends meaningless meetings and confides breathlessly to anyone who listens, "Can't talk right now...I'm SO busy!"
Don't get me wrong- a strong work ethic is one of many virtues in life but when the balance of life is turned upside down, I see no other course of action but to try and right it. But people don't want to stand up for themselves out of fear of losing their jobs. Which, in turn, sends entirely the wrong message to employers and supervisors, who seem to like to punish those workers who are most expedient. Think about it: If you blaze through a project with speed and accuracy to terrific results, are most bosses going to give you the rest of the day or week off? NO! They will give you a pat on the back and expect you to keep working. Where is the incentive in that scenario to finish quickly again? Certainly, completing a task well should provide a sense of accomplishment in and of itself, but at the same time, come on- in the end, wouldn't you rather be spending what should be your free time travelling, seeing friends and family or just taking care of yourself than getting a bonus at the end of the year? What good is money if you can't enjoy spending it? And in my case, I'm not even making any decent money. It would cost the company nothing to let me go early on occasion.
America traditionally has spent way too much time in pursuit of the almighty dollar with precious little concern for actually living LIFE. Perhaps Europeans spend more on taxes but look what they get in the end- balance and pleasure in their lives. The freedom to know themselves. And perhaps most important of all, an understanding of the fact that we are human beings and as such, we need sleep, we need food and we need time to simply recharge.
Am I overworked? I don't think so. But I am not free. I have a job which requires me to sit in my seat from 8:30 until 5 and only pays me for 30 minutes of my lunch hour. I am bored beyond belief and do not agree with the often silly and meaningless rules, which do not take into consideration the needs and desires of the individual. As Americans, we claim to be against communism but within this employment system, the ideals of communism do exist. Let Big Brother tell you what to wear, what to say on the phone, when you can eat, when you can go to the bathroom, what you believe in...
The people who have bragged to me most about their busy-ness also tend to think of themselves as liberal and free. But they are not. They have swallowed whole the idea that in order to be good, productive and successful citizens, they must completely commit to their jobs and they must do them exactly as the leaders of the company want them to. They must put everything in their lives in second place, including time off. They must always be wired up and accessible to take the next instruction. As a result, you see people on family vacations, parked on a beach blanket staring intently at their laptops and Blackberries. What is the point of being away physically, when in mind and spirit, you are absent? We are a nation of zombies, not brought closer by technology and jobs but are instead being further separated than ever from our true lives.
I continue to ask for unpaid time off- of course, my current employer behaved as though they'd never even heard of such a thing- but until others share my fight and decide to demand their rights, this exploitation and wastefulness of life will continue as America gulps down microwave lunches, attends meaningless meetings and confides breathlessly to anyone who listens, "Can't talk right now...I'm SO busy!"
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Coyotes bring out a town's true colors
What is it about rich people? The smaller the city, the more odious and flagrant the wealthy people become. Here in Denver, we've got what Greenwood Village (read: fake suburb) "City" Manager Jim Sanderson calls "behavioral issues" with coyotes. As everybody knows, rich people don't like anything that gets in the way of...well, their way.
Now, you might be surprised to learn this- I guess old Jim certainly was- but no matter how much dough you might have to back you up, you can't just do away with the nature that surrounds you. (Hmmm...or can you?) And in Colorado- which, again, may surprise you- there is still a lot of wilderness, although developers and real estate tycoons have been doing their damnest to eliminate it. (Keep reading, it gets worse) Some of the refugees from this "progress" include bears, fox, various birds and coyotes. These animals have been losing their habitat over a period of decades, because people like Jim Sanderson feel they need to erect huge, cavernous mansions with three car garages and Kentucky Blue Grass front lawns which require A LOT of watering to have great views of the mountains and advertise to all of their equally rich and one-dimensional friends their WEALTH and IMPORTANCE. Sure, they may have a lap dog or two, and maybe they even go up to Aspen or Vail every now and again, to enjoy the outdoors and visit the housekeepers in their second homes...but other than for displaying their financial standing, nature and animal life doesn't really matter to these people. The entire town of Greenwood Village is fake. It's filled with expensive chain steakhouses, obscenely priced spas and a lot of people who really do care whether their kid is featured on the society pages for being a debutante. (For you folks playing at home, this is like a pretend royal party, where 16-year-old girls wear crowns and their parents pretend that they are celebrities and that other people are as interested in this as they are).
I know, it's 2009 and we're in the midst of a recession. But you wouldn't know it in Greenwood Village. There, Jimmy "Coyote-whisperer" Sanderson has not only hired a company called Animal Damage Control Wildlife Management Services to come and kill as many coyotes as they can find (for $200 an hour), he defends it by saying that he doesn't want all of the coyotes killed, just the ones with "behavioral issues." As if ole Jimmy would know what that even meant. He and his wife are self-important ignoramuses who flaunt themselves around town, joining the boards of every cultural group that will have them in a desperate attempt to show how much they CARE about people and the arts. Why, the Sandersons even have TWO daughters who were debutantes! I mean, it really doesn't get much more important than that, does it? So, of course, Jim is concerned about psychologically imbalanced coyotes. And anyway, what do wildlife officials know about wildlife? They suggest keeping one's lap dogs inside at night and on leashes if they are ever walked by one of the servants...But no, Jim Sanderson says that bad things could happen if they don't kill the animals! He predicts that they will come back for blood, unless the killing company gets to set torturous traps and shoot randomly.
But Jim wasn't counting on all of the protesters. The American Humane Society has written about this disgrace. People from all over the country have been writing letters to the local papers and even the New York Times has picked up the story. Is this really the kind of publicity that Greenwood Village wants? I personally won't spend any money at any business there until this aboniation is rescinded. The plain facts are these: If you purposely and willfully chose to live in a semi-wild area of a semi-wild state, then you also accepted the fact that you would be surrounded by wilderness, which, often, presents some risks. If you want relative safety from coyotes, maybe you should have considered Manhattan or Orange County. The point is, Jim Sanderson and Greenwood Village have everything backwards. They, unlike other cities across the country, including Chicago, are not choosing to work with nature. They are fighting against it. In their attempts to be rich and fabulous, they have reached a point of complete incivility.
I am sure that Jim and his ilk will go on thinking that killing innocent animals is ok as long as the animals pose their town the slightest inconvenience. He and his wife will go on sipping cocktails at galas and acting as though they are sophisticates. In the end, giving $20K to the opera and pretending you know anything about ballet doesn't erase the fact that you condone senseless killing. Inside, the leadership of Greenwood Village are fearful, petty, power hungry cowards. Without their money, they would be nothing. In the end, then, the question will be, how much is your conscience worth?
Enjoy that next debutante ball, Jim. And who knows? Maybe you can start a foundation for coyotes with behavioral issues.
Now, you might be surprised to learn this- I guess old Jim certainly was- but no matter how much dough you might have to back you up, you can't just do away with the nature that surrounds you. (Hmmm...or can you?) And in Colorado- which, again, may surprise you- there is still a lot of wilderness, although developers and real estate tycoons have been doing their damnest to eliminate it. (Keep reading, it gets worse) Some of the refugees from this "progress" include bears, fox, various birds and coyotes. These animals have been losing their habitat over a period of decades, because people like Jim Sanderson feel they need to erect huge, cavernous mansions with three car garages and Kentucky Blue Grass front lawns which require A LOT of watering to have great views of the mountains and advertise to all of their equally rich and one-dimensional friends their WEALTH and IMPORTANCE. Sure, they may have a lap dog or two, and maybe they even go up to Aspen or Vail every now and again, to enjoy the outdoors and visit the housekeepers in their second homes...but other than for displaying their financial standing, nature and animal life doesn't really matter to these people. The entire town of Greenwood Village is fake. It's filled with expensive chain steakhouses, obscenely priced spas and a lot of people who really do care whether their kid is featured on the society pages for being a debutante. (For you folks playing at home, this is like a pretend royal party, where 16-year-old girls wear crowns and their parents pretend that they are celebrities and that other people are as interested in this as they are).
I know, it's 2009 and we're in the midst of a recession. But you wouldn't know it in Greenwood Village. There, Jimmy "Coyote-whisperer" Sanderson has not only hired a company called Animal Damage Control Wildlife Management Services to come and kill as many coyotes as they can find (for $200 an hour), he defends it by saying that he doesn't want all of the coyotes killed, just the ones with "behavioral issues." As if ole Jimmy would know what that even meant. He and his wife are self-important ignoramuses who flaunt themselves around town, joining the boards of every cultural group that will have them in a desperate attempt to show how much they CARE about people and the arts. Why, the Sandersons even have TWO daughters who were debutantes! I mean, it really doesn't get much more important than that, does it? So, of course, Jim is concerned about psychologically imbalanced coyotes. And anyway, what do wildlife officials know about wildlife? They suggest keeping one's lap dogs inside at night and on leashes if they are ever walked by one of the servants...But no, Jim Sanderson says that bad things could happen if they don't kill the animals! He predicts that they will come back for blood, unless the killing company gets to set torturous traps and shoot randomly.
But Jim wasn't counting on all of the protesters. The American Humane Society has written about this disgrace. People from all over the country have been writing letters to the local papers and even the New York Times has picked up the story. Is this really the kind of publicity that Greenwood Village wants? I personally won't spend any money at any business there until this aboniation is rescinded. The plain facts are these: If you purposely and willfully chose to live in a semi-wild area of a semi-wild state, then you also accepted the fact that you would be surrounded by wilderness, which, often, presents some risks. If you want relative safety from coyotes, maybe you should have considered Manhattan or Orange County. The point is, Jim Sanderson and Greenwood Village have everything backwards. They, unlike other cities across the country, including Chicago, are not choosing to work with nature. They are fighting against it. In their attempts to be rich and fabulous, they have reached a point of complete incivility.
I am sure that Jim and his ilk will go on thinking that killing innocent animals is ok as long as the animals pose their town the slightest inconvenience. He and his wife will go on sipping cocktails at galas and acting as though they are sophisticates. In the end, giving $20K to the opera and pretending you know anything about ballet doesn't erase the fact that you condone senseless killing. Inside, the leadership of Greenwood Village are fearful, petty, power hungry cowards. Without their money, they would be nothing. In the end, then, the question will be, how much is your conscience worth?
Enjoy that next debutante ball, Jim. And who knows? Maybe you can start a foundation for coyotes with behavioral issues.
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Secret of Youth: Act Your Age!
Everywhere I look, I hear something about Facebook. It seems as though all of a sudden, friends and colleagues whom I had previously taken to be wise, interesting and even prudent, have joined Facebook. Worse yet, they are asking me if I am on Facebook, whether I am planning to be on Facebook and why I am not on Facebook...What is this urgent rush to post inane musings about the banality of one's day online? For that matter, I don't understand the need of today's 40, 50 and 60-somethings to be "young" at all costs.
In today's Rocky Mountain News (which is inexplicably still publishing, three weeks after the deadline for the paper to be either sold or dismantled- I'd even join Facebook if it told the real story of what the Scripps company is doing!), columnist Tina Griego spends all of her space defending her recent decision to join Facebook. She says that a friend's teenaged daughter had forbidden her mother from joining and I don't disagree with the kid. Why can't younger people today have something to themselves, without the adult set pathetically jumping on the bandwagon? When I was a teenager, in the 80's, I would have DIED if my mother tried to wear my clothes, hang out with my friends or for that matter, read my diary. And I think my mother, at that time, would not have been very interested in re-living her childhood through me, either. It was a long-observed custom back then that daughters raided their mother's closets and coveted their grown-up lives, not the other way around! So, what has happened to make mature adults so homesick for youth that they have to invade the territories of their kids? Why is aging so incredibly reviled in 2009 America? If you don't believe me, just step outside and see...
In today's Rocky Mountain News (which is inexplicably still publishing, three weeks after the deadline for the paper to be either sold or dismantled- I'd even join Facebook if it told the real story of what the Scripps company is doing!), columnist Tina Griego spends all of her space defending her recent decision to join Facebook. She says that a friend's teenaged daughter had forbidden her mother from joining and I don't disagree with the kid. Why can't younger people today have something to themselves, without the adult set pathetically jumping on the bandwagon? When I was a teenager, in the 80's, I would have DIED if my mother tried to wear my clothes, hang out with my friends or for that matter, read my diary. And I think my mother, at that time, would not have been very interested in re-living her childhood through me, either. It was a long-observed custom back then that daughters raided their mother's closets and coveted their grown-up lives, not the other way around! So, what has happened to make mature adults so homesick for youth that they have to invade the territories of their kids? Why is aging so incredibly reviled in 2009 America? If you don't believe me, just step outside and see...
- The new midlife crisis apparently has nothing to do with a red sports car. Instead, I am seeing increasing numbers of grey and white-haired men in business attire skateboarding down the street at rush hour. Now, you may applaud this as a bit of defiant energy-saving, but I don't understand why any grown person would want to risk broken bones and looking undignified rather than just walk. What's next? Parking lots for Big Wheels?
- A woman in her late 50's married a man several years her senior which made her an instant grandmother. This woman, a board president, no less, came to a meeting one day wearing her 17-year-old stepdaughter's jeans and boasting about it. Yes, she was slim enough to fit in them but she looked absolutely ridiculous in rhinestone coated back pockets and a t-shirt with some sarcastic comment on it. All she was lacking was some bubble gum.
...Or, stay at home and read or watch TV news. There, you will find even grimer evidence of this desperate trend.
- Plastic surgery isn't just for movie stars and it isn't just for women, apparently. People as young as 18 have begun getting breast augnentations, Botox injections and lipo in an effort to stay young and "fit." Men get pec implants to look more buff without having to do the old fashioned thing and work out.
- Are you an over-the-hill athlete? Fear not, even 40+ men can still hit homeruns, score touchdowns and stay in the game. All they have to do is shoot some drugs. Steroids, despite causing acne, mood swings, testicle-shrinking and brain cancers enhance power and strength so that older men can compete in what was once primarily a young man's game.
- No husband? Not getting pregnant? No problem! You can establish that six-figure salary career and never meet Mr. Right nowadays and still have a family. Hey, who cares about the kid's well-being when you can get pregnant at 50 from a test tube? And after the birth, you can get a "mommy makeover" so that you can look 35 when you're pushing around the baby carriage.
- Let's say you're an empty-nest couple. It used to be that you could look forward to retirement, winding down, maybe a little traveling here and there. Well, no more! Now you can divorce and date all over again! Men can date 20-somethings as long as they have Viagra. And women can just get on hormones so they don't have to deal with pesky menopause. Why spend your golden years cooped up at home when you can enjoy one-night stands and binge drinking, just like you did in college?
- Facebook, originally created by a college kid for college kids, is now being marketed as a "networking tool" to kids of all ages. Why pick up a phone and actually talk to your old high school best friend when you can just "friend" her online. That way, you don't have to risk an actual conversation or meeting. Instead, you can just wow her with clever haikus about your latest dental surgery or failed love life. I particularly love the disclaimer on Facebook which tells registered sex offenders that they are "not allowed." That'll stop 'em! More importantly, though, you'll get to "participate" in your kid's life by getting to see what they like and dislike, the pictures uploaded from last Saturday's frat party or even their innermost thoughts about you. This way, you won't feel any added pressure about attending parents weekend or teaching THEM something about life. You can just co-exist in the land of youth, pretending that nature isn't being turned on its head and that this really isn't a desperate attempt on your part to be cool.
I know that growing up is difficult and getting old is even harder. But rather than delay or mask the inevitable, I think people could find it refreshing to just live their lives with a little more grace and a little more self-respect. We do not need and cannot support a society full of 20-somethings. There has to be balance. Older people, with their wrinkles and their life experiences offer something entirely different to the world. They offer perspective, history and maturity. Most of all, they offer wisdom and the assurance that life will go on, no matter what.
It is impossible to age gracefully when you are doing everything in your power to avoid aging. Rather than rushing to open a Facebook page to read about what other people are doing, how about picking up the phone or making a real connection with someone? True intimacy and friendship is actually formed offline, when you take the time to share yourself with a few people who really care about you, and not whether you're wearing jeans from the junior department on your recently lipo-ed butt.
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