In today's Rocky Mountain News (which is inexplicably still publishing, three weeks after the deadline for the paper to be either sold or dismantled- I'd even join Facebook if it told the real story of what the Scripps company is doing!), columnist Tina Griego spends all of her space defending her recent decision to join Facebook. She says that a friend's teenaged daughter had forbidden her mother from joining and I don't disagree with the kid. Why can't younger people today have something to themselves, without the adult set pathetically jumping on the bandwagon? When I was a teenager, in the 80's, I would have DIED if my mother tried to wear my clothes, hang out with my friends or for that matter, read my diary. And I think my mother, at that time, would not have been very interested in re-living her childhood through me, either. It was a long-observed custom back then that daughters raided their mother's closets and coveted their grown-up lives, not the other way around! So, what has happened to make mature adults so homesick for youth that they have to invade the territories of their kids? Why is aging so incredibly reviled in 2009 America? If you don't believe me, just step outside and see...
- The new midlife crisis apparently has nothing to do with a red sports car. Instead, I am seeing increasing numbers of grey and white-haired men in business attire skateboarding down the street at rush hour. Now, you may applaud this as a bit of defiant energy-saving, but I don't understand why any grown person would want to risk broken bones and looking undignified rather than just walk. What's next? Parking lots for Big Wheels?
- A woman in her late 50's married a man several years her senior which made her an instant grandmother. This woman, a board president, no less, came to a meeting one day wearing her 17-year-old stepdaughter's jeans and boasting about it. Yes, she was slim enough to fit in them but she looked absolutely ridiculous in rhinestone coated back pockets and a t-shirt with some sarcastic comment on it. All she was lacking was some bubble gum.
...Or, stay at home and read or watch TV news. There, you will find even grimer evidence of this desperate trend.
- Plastic surgery isn't just for movie stars and it isn't just for women, apparently. People as young as 18 have begun getting breast augnentations, Botox injections and lipo in an effort to stay young and "fit." Men get pec implants to look more buff without having to do the old fashioned thing and work out.
- Are you an over-the-hill athlete? Fear not, even 40+ men can still hit homeruns, score touchdowns and stay in the game. All they have to do is shoot some drugs. Steroids, despite causing acne, mood swings, testicle-shrinking and brain cancers enhance power and strength so that older men can compete in what was once primarily a young man's game.
- No husband? Not getting pregnant? No problem! You can establish that six-figure salary career and never meet Mr. Right nowadays and still have a family. Hey, who cares about the kid's well-being when you can get pregnant at 50 from a test tube? And after the birth, you can get a "mommy makeover" so that you can look 35 when you're pushing around the baby carriage.
- Let's say you're an empty-nest couple. It used to be that you could look forward to retirement, winding down, maybe a little traveling here and there. Well, no more! Now you can divorce and date all over again! Men can date 20-somethings as long as they have Viagra. And women can just get on hormones so they don't have to deal with pesky menopause. Why spend your golden years cooped up at home when you can enjoy one-night stands and binge drinking, just like you did in college?
- Facebook, originally created by a college kid for college kids, is now being marketed as a "networking tool" to kids of all ages. Why pick up a phone and actually talk to your old high school best friend when you can just "friend" her online. That way, you don't have to risk an actual conversation or meeting. Instead, you can just wow her with clever haikus about your latest dental surgery or failed love life. I particularly love the disclaimer on Facebook which tells registered sex offenders that they are "not allowed." That'll stop 'em! More importantly, though, you'll get to "participate" in your kid's life by getting to see what they like and dislike, the pictures uploaded from last Saturday's frat party or even their innermost thoughts about you. This way, you won't feel any added pressure about attending parents weekend or teaching THEM something about life. You can just co-exist in the land of youth, pretending that nature isn't being turned on its head and that this really isn't a desperate attempt on your part to be cool.
I know that growing up is difficult and getting old is even harder. But rather than delay or mask the inevitable, I think people could find it refreshing to just live their lives with a little more grace and a little more self-respect. We do not need and cannot support a society full of 20-somethings. There has to be balance. Older people, with their wrinkles and their life experiences offer something entirely different to the world. They offer perspective, history and maturity. Most of all, they offer wisdom and the assurance that life will go on, no matter what.
It is impossible to age gracefully when you are doing everything in your power to avoid aging. Rather than rushing to open a Facebook page to read about what other people are doing, how about picking up the phone or making a real connection with someone? True intimacy and friendship is actually formed offline, when you take the time to share yourself with a few people who really care about you, and not whether you're wearing jeans from the junior department on your recently lipo-ed butt.
