The announcement of Farrah Fawcett's death today has me oddly shaken and sad, and I have come to realize that my feelings aren't just based on the untimely passing of a famous person. Thinking about Farrah conjures also long-forgotten memories of childhood. Farrah was a pop-culture icon when I was growing up. Someone whose smiling photos could be seen everywhere- in toothpaste commercials and even on the box that my mother's hair dryer came in. I am startled to realize how well I remember that box and how, as a little girl, I wanted to look like Farrah. She seemed to me to be all of the things a woman should be- pretty, strong, athletic, nice. I didn't get to see very many episodes of "Charlie's Angels"- I guess I was too young. But I remember that poster. Even ten years after it was made, boys were still hanging it in their rooms. Farrah could have been dismissed as a mere pretty face with great teeth and hair, but when I was in high school, she starred in "The Burning Bed" and I saw that she was also a good actress.
I don't claim to know anything about her, other than her public image but her struggle with cancer reminds me how finite life is. Here was this endlessly fit, attractive, vibrant woman who had everything going for her and yet none of her healthy lifestyle prevented the cancer from taking over. It isn't fair, of course. I keep thinking life will become so one day, but it never does. It never makes any sense and I often ponder why we accept that life is this way. Charles Manson is still in jail- alive as ever. Why? Why do we never hear of serial killers or rapists enduring a painful cancer? Why must it always be someone who still has love and life left in them? Why did God make us crave stability and assurances in life when there are none?
Farrah Fawcett was one of many, many examples of womanhood for me in my early childhood. I admired a number of women whom I knew, read about and saw and I aspired, in some small way, to be like each of them. With Farrah's death, comes a death of a certain innocence, then, a certain hope. It makes no sense. It leaves no answers. And- the really big revelation- it happens to everyone. In life, as in death, a person ultimately only ever has oneself.
I am sad that Farrah did not win her fight. I am sad for her family and friends. I don't know what her death means for anyone, aside from the obvious loss of her presence. Perhaps it serves as a reminder that we can all be taken just as quickly as we arrive. That nothing we do in life, no matter how noble or stupid or heroic or average, means anything when it comes time to die. People fear life only because they fear death- if they had any assurance at all that life could go on as they know it indefinitely, then the risk of risk would disappear. It would be interesting to know what people would do if there was nothing to fear. Apparently, Farrah feared death but she chose to fight it. Was that brave of her? Does it matter now? We do these things because we want to live, we need to have hope. At 9:30 a.m. today, as most of us woke up, or sat at work or soothed a crying baby, Farrah was one of thousands of people who died. We acknowledge that this happens but we ignore it, too. Because it's a fact that someday, at 9:30 a.m. or 10:07 p.m. or midnight, we will cease to exist, too. And most of us are not looking forward to it, because we are afraid of the unknown. We are afraid of the pain of existence less than we are afraid of not existing at all.
There can be no end to this thought process until the end. Farrah, like others who have died or are dying this very minute, is on the other side now, and she either knows something that we don't or she has simply ceased to exist. Either way, we can't know that place until it is our turn. And the best we can hope for, when that day comes, is that someone will remember us in a positive way and perhaps keep us alive in memory, for a little while longer.
I wish I still had that hair dryer box.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Will Not Work For Anything
Wouldn't it be nice to not have to work? In this economy, everyone is walking around trying to convince themselves and others that "I'm just grateful to have a job." Well, I'm not. I mean, I'm grateful that I still have a (crappy) paycheck but resentful of the idea that recession=career stagnation. Frankly, as someone who made a career change out of necessity a few years ago, I feel like I'm ready for another. And yet, there are no jobs. So I feel stuck and envious of those people who have the money to just take some time out to figure out the rest of their lives. I look around me at work and people constantly complain that they are "exhausted" and "soooooooo busy" and I am sorry, but I think it's all a bunch of lies. If you really are that busy in the first place, you wouldn't have time to complain about it. Before the recession, it seemed to be some kind of badge of honor in most white-collar industries to gush about how tired and busy you were in your job. For many of my friends, it was a topic they never grew tired of reiterating to me..."Oh, I haven't worked out in a MONTH because I've been working until 5 a.m. but since I also forgot to eat during that time, I've also lost weight! Isn't that crazy," they would ask expectantly. Um, yes, crazy is one word to describe it. Stupid and embarrassing are more like it. Honestly, I don't understand why this is some kind of bragging right. Am I really supposed to be impressed that you've given up all human liberties and pleasures in order to serve someone else who is making money and taking the credit? Is this really what you will remember fondly on your deathbed?
Don't get me wrong- a strong work ethic is one of many virtues in life but when the balance of life is turned upside down, I see no other course of action but to try and right it. But people don't want to stand up for themselves out of fear of losing their jobs. Which, in turn, sends entirely the wrong message to employers and supervisors, who seem to like to punish those workers who are most expedient. Think about it: If you blaze through a project with speed and accuracy to terrific results, are most bosses going to give you the rest of the day or week off? NO! They will give you a pat on the back and expect you to keep working. Where is the incentive in that scenario to finish quickly again? Certainly, completing a task well should provide a sense of accomplishment in and of itself, but at the same time, come on- in the end, wouldn't you rather be spending what should be your free time travelling, seeing friends and family or just taking care of yourself than getting a bonus at the end of the year? What good is money if you can't enjoy spending it? And in my case, I'm not even making any decent money. It would cost the company nothing to let me go early on occasion.
America traditionally has spent way too much time in pursuit of the almighty dollar with precious little concern for actually living LIFE. Perhaps Europeans spend more on taxes but look what they get in the end- balance and pleasure in their lives. The freedom to know themselves. And perhaps most important of all, an understanding of the fact that we are human beings and as such, we need sleep, we need food and we need time to simply recharge.
Am I overworked? I don't think so. But I am not free. I have a job which requires me to sit in my seat from 8:30 until 5 and only pays me for 30 minutes of my lunch hour. I am bored beyond belief and do not agree with the often silly and meaningless rules, which do not take into consideration the needs and desires of the individual. As Americans, we claim to be against communism but within this employment system, the ideals of communism do exist. Let Big Brother tell you what to wear, what to say on the phone, when you can eat, when you can go to the bathroom, what you believe in...
The people who have bragged to me most about their busy-ness also tend to think of themselves as liberal and free. But they are not. They have swallowed whole the idea that in order to be good, productive and successful citizens, they must completely commit to their jobs and they must do them exactly as the leaders of the company want them to. They must put everything in their lives in second place, including time off. They must always be wired up and accessible to take the next instruction. As a result, you see people on family vacations, parked on a beach blanket staring intently at their laptops and Blackberries. What is the point of being away physically, when in mind and spirit, you are absent? We are a nation of zombies, not brought closer by technology and jobs but are instead being further separated than ever from our true lives.
I continue to ask for unpaid time off- of course, my current employer behaved as though they'd never even heard of such a thing- but until others share my fight and decide to demand their rights, this exploitation and wastefulness of life will continue as America gulps down microwave lunches, attends meaningless meetings and confides breathlessly to anyone who listens, "Can't talk right now...I'm SO busy!"
Don't get me wrong- a strong work ethic is one of many virtues in life but when the balance of life is turned upside down, I see no other course of action but to try and right it. But people don't want to stand up for themselves out of fear of losing their jobs. Which, in turn, sends entirely the wrong message to employers and supervisors, who seem to like to punish those workers who are most expedient. Think about it: If you blaze through a project with speed and accuracy to terrific results, are most bosses going to give you the rest of the day or week off? NO! They will give you a pat on the back and expect you to keep working. Where is the incentive in that scenario to finish quickly again? Certainly, completing a task well should provide a sense of accomplishment in and of itself, but at the same time, come on- in the end, wouldn't you rather be spending what should be your free time travelling, seeing friends and family or just taking care of yourself than getting a bonus at the end of the year? What good is money if you can't enjoy spending it? And in my case, I'm not even making any decent money. It would cost the company nothing to let me go early on occasion.
America traditionally has spent way too much time in pursuit of the almighty dollar with precious little concern for actually living LIFE. Perhaps Europeans spend more on taxes but look what they get in the end- balance and pleasure in their lives. The freedom to know themselves. And perhaps most important of all, an understanding of the fact that we are human beings and as such, we need sleep, we need food and we need time to simply recharge.
Am I overworked? I don't think so. But I am not free. I have a job which requires me to sit in my seat from 8:30 until 5 and only pays me for 30 minutes of my lunch hour. I am bored beyond belief and do not agree with the often silly and meaningless rules, which do not take into consideration the needs and desires of the individual. As Americans, we claim to be against communism but within this employment system, the ideals of communism do exist. Let Big Brother tell you what to wear, what to say on the phone, when you can eat, when you can go to the bathroom, what you believe in...
The people who have bragged to me most about their busy-ness also tend to think of themselves as liberal and free. But they are not. They have swallowed whole the idea that in order to be good, productive and successful citizens, they must completely commit to their jobs and they must do them exactly as the leaders of the company want them to. They must put everything in their lives in second place, including time off. They must always be wired up and accessible to take the next instruction. As a result, you see people on family vacations, parked on a beach blanket staring intently at their laptops and Blackberries. What is the point of being away physically, when in mind and spirit, you are absent? We are a nation of zombies, not brought closer by technology and jobs but are instead being further separated than ever from our true lives.
I continue to ask for unpaid time off- of course, my current employer behaved as though they'd never even heard of such a thing- but until others share my fight and decide to demand their rights, this exploitation and wastefulness of life will continue as America gulps down microwave lunches, attends meaningless meetings and confides breathlessly to anyone who listens, "Can't talk right now...I'm SO busy!"
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Coyotes bring out a town's true colors
What is it about rich people? The smaller the city, the more odious and flagrant the wealthy people become. Here in Denver, we've got what Greenwood Village (read: fake suburb) "City" Manager Jim Sanderson calls "behavioral issues" with coyotes. As everybody knows, rich people don't like anything that gets in the way of...well, their way.
Now, you might be surprised to learn this- I guess old Jim certainly was- but no matter how much dough you might have to back you up, you can't just do away with the nature that surrounds you. (Hmmm...or can you?) And in Colorado- which, again, may surprise you- there is still a lot of wilderness, although developers and real estate tycoons have been doing their damnest to eliminate it. (Keep reading, it gets worse) Some of the refugees from this "progress" include bears, fox, various birds and coyotes. These animals have been losing their habitat over a period of decades, because people like Jim Sanderson feel they need to erect huge, cavernous mansions with three car garages and Kentucky Blue Grass front lawns which require A LOT of watering to have great views of the mountains and advertise to all of their equally rich and one-dimensional friends their WEALTH and IMPORTANCE. Sure, they may have a lap dog or two, and maybe they even go up to Aspen or Vail every now and again, to enjoy the outdoors and visit the housekeepers in their second homes...but other than for displaying their financial standing, nature and animal life doesn't really matter to these people. The entire town of Greenwood Village is fake. It's filled with expensive chain steakhouses, obscenely priced spas and a lot of people who really do care whether their kid is featured on the society pages for being a debutante. (For you folks playing at home, this is like a pretend royal party, where 16-year-old girls wear crowns and their parents pretend that they are celebrities and that other people are as interested in this as they are).
I know, it's 2009 and we're in the midst of a recession. But you wouldn't know it in Greenwood Village. There, Jimmy "Coyote-whisperer" Sanderson has not only hired a company called Animal Damage Control Wildlife Management Services to come and kill as many coyotes as they can find (for $200 an hour), he defends it by saying that he doesn't want all of the coyotes killed, just the ones with "behavioral issues." As if ole Jimmy would know what that even meant. He and his wife are self-important ignoramuses who flaunt themselves around town, joining the boards of every cultural group that will have them in a desperate attempt to show how much they CARE about people and the arts. Why, the Sandersons even have TWO daughters who were debutantes! I mean, it really doesn't get much more important than that, does it? So, of course, Jim is concerned about psychologically imbalanced coyotes. And anyway, what do wildlife officials know about wildlife? They suggest keeping one's lap dogs inside at night and on leashes if they are ever walked by one of the servants...But no, Jim Sanderson says that bad things could happen if they don't kill the animals! He predicts that they will come back for blood, unless the killing company gets to set torturous traps and shoot randomly.
But Jim wasn't counting on all of the protesters. The American Humane Society has written about this disgrace. People from all over the country have been writing letters to the local papers and even the New York Times has picked up the story. Is this really the kind of publicity that Greenwood Village wants? I personally won't spend any money at any business there until this aboniation is rescinded. The plain facts are these: If you purposely and willfully chose to live in a semi-wild area of a semi-wild state, then you also accepted the fact that you would be surrounded by wilderness, which, often, presents some risks. If you want relative safety from coyotes, maybe you should have considered Manhattan or Orange County. The point is, Jim Sanderson and Greenwood Village have everything backwards. They, unlike other cities across the country, including Chicago, are not choosing to work with nature. They are fighting against it. In their attempts to be rich and fabulous, they have reached a point of complete incivility.
I am sure that Jim and his ilk will go on thinking that killing innocent animals is ok as long as the animals pose their town the slightest inconvenience. He and his wife will go on sipping cocktails at galas and acting as though they are sophisticates. In the end, giving $20K to the opera and pretending you know anything about ballet doesn't erase the fact that you condone senseless killing. Inside, the leadership of Greenwood Village are fearful, petty, power hungry cowards. Without their money, they would be nothing. In the end, then, the question will be, how much is your conscience worth?
Enjoy that next debutante ball, Jim. And who knows? Maybe you can start a foundation for coyotes with behavioral issues.
Now, you might be surprised to learn this- I guess old Jim certainly was- but no matter how much dough you might have to back you up, you can't just do away with the nature that surrounds you. (Hmmm...or can you?) And in Colorado- which, again, may surprise you- there is still a lot of wilderness, although developers and real estate tycoons have been doing their damnest to eliminate it. (Keep reading, it gets worse) Some of the refugees from this "progress" include bears, fox, various birds and coyotes. These animals have been losing their habitat over a period of decades, because people like Jim Sanderson feel they need to erect huge, cavernous mansions with three car garages and Kentucky Blue Grass front lawns which require A LOT of watering to have great views of the mountains and advertise to all of their equally rich and one-dimensional friends their WEALTH and IMPORTANCE. Sure, they may have a lap dog or two, and maybe they even go up to Aspen or Vail every now and again, to enjoy the outdoors and visit the housekeepers in their second homes...but other than for displaying their financial standing, nature and animal life doesn't really matter to these people. The entire town of Greenwood Village is fake. It's filled with expensive chain steakhouses, obscenely priced spas and a lot of people who really do care whether their kid is featured on the society pages for being a debutante. (For you folks playing at home, this is like a pretend royal party, where 16-year-old girls wear crowns and their parents pretend that they are celebrities and that other people are as interested in this as they are).
I know, it's 2009 and we're in the midst of a recession. But you wouldn't know it in Greenwood Village. There, Jimmy "Coyote-whisperer" Sanderson has not only hired a company called Animal Damage Control Wildlife Management Services to come and kill as many coyotes as they can find (for $200 an hour), he defends it by saying that he doesn't want all of the coyotes killed, just the ones with "behavioral issues." As if ole Jimmy would know what that even meant. He and his wife are self-important ignoramuses who flaunt themselves around town, joining the boards of every cultural group that will have them in a desperate attempt to show how much they CARE about people and the arts. Why, the Sandersons even have TWO daughters who were debutantes! I mean, it really doesn't get much more important than that, does it? So, of course, Jim is concerned about psychologically imbalanced coyotes. And anyway, what do wildlife officials know about wildlife? They suggest keeping one's lap dogs inside at night and on leashes if they are ever walked by one of the servants...But no, Jim Sanderson says that bad things could happen if they don't kill the animals! He predicts that they will come back for blood, unless the killing company gets to set torturous traps and shoot randomly.
But Jim wasn't counting on all of the protesters. The American Humane Society has written about this disgrace. People from all over the country have been writing letters to the local papers and even the New York Times has picked up the story. Is this really the kind of publicity that Greenwood Village wants? I personally won't spend any money at any business there until this aboniation is rescinded. The plain facts are these: If you purposely and willfully chose to live in a semi-wild area of a semi-wild state, then you also accepted the fact that you would be surrounded by wilderness, which, often, presents some risks. If you want relative safety from coyotes, maybe you should have considered Manhattan or Orange County. The point is, Jim Sanderson and Greenwood Village have everything backwards. They, unlike other cities across the country, including Chicago, are not choosing to work with nature. They are fighting against it. In their attempts to be rich and fabulous, they have reached a point of complete incivility.
I am sure that Jim and his ilk will go on thinking that killing innocent animals is ok as long as the animals pose their town the slightest inconvenience. He and his wife will go on sipping cocktails at galas and acting as though they are sophisticates. In the end, giving $20K to the opera and pretending you know anything about ballet doesn't erase the fact that you condone senseless killing. Inside, the leadership of Greenwood Village are fearful, petty, power hungry cowards. Without their money, they would be nothing. In the end, then, the question will be, how much is your conscience worth?
Enjoy that next debutante ball, Jim. And who knows? Maybe you can start a foundation for coyotes with behavioral issues.
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Secret of Youth: Act Your Age!
Everywhere I look, I hear something about Facebook. It seems as though all of a sudden, friends and colleagues whom I had previously taken to be wise, interesting and even prudent, have joined Facebook. Worse yet, they are asking me if I am on Facebook, whether I am planning to be on Facebook and why I am not on Facebook...What is this urgent rush to post inane musings about the banality of one's day online? For that matter, I don't understand the need of today's 40, 50 and 60-somethings to be "young" at all costs.
In today's Rocky Mountain News (which is inexplicably still publishing, three weeks after the deadline for the paper to be either sold or dismantled- I'd even join Facebook if it told the real story of what the Scripps company is doing!), columnist Tina Griego spends all of her space defending her recent decision to join Facebook. She says that a friend's teenaged daughter had forbidden her mother from joining and I don't disagree with the kid. Why can't younger people today have something to themselves, without the adult set pathetically jumping on the bandwagon? When I was a teenager, in the 80's, I would have DIED if my mother tried to wear my clothes, hang out with my friends or for that matter, read my diary. And I think my mother, at that time, would not have been very interested in re-living her childhood through me, either. It was a long-observed custom back then that daughters raided their mother's closets and coveted their grown-up lives, not the other way around! So, what has happened to make mature adults so homesick for youth that they have to invade the territories of their kids? Why is aging so incredibly reviled in 2009 America? If you don't believe me, just step outside and see...
In today's Rocky Mountain News (which is inexplicably still publishing, three weeks after the deadline for the paper to be either sold or dismantled- I'd even join Facebook if it told the real story of what the Scripps company is doing!), columnist Tina Griego spends all of her space defending her recent decision to join Facebook. She says that a friend's teenaged daughter had forbidden her mother from joining and I don't disagree with the kid. Why can't younger people today have something to themselves, without the adult set pathetically jumping on the bandwagon? When I was a teenager, in the 80's, I would have DIED if my mother tried to wear my clothes, hang out with my friends or for that matter, read my diary. And I think my mother, at that time, would not have been very interested in re-living her childhood through me, either. It was a long-observed custom back then that daughters raided their mother's closets and coveted their grown-up lives, not the other way around! So, what has happened to make mature adults so homesick for youth that they have to invade the territories of their kids? Why is aging so incredibly reviled in 2009 America? If you don't believe me, just step outside and see...
- The new midlife crisis apparently has nothing to do with a red sports car. Instead, I am seeing increasing numbers of grey and white-haired men in business attire skateboarding down the street at rush hour. Now, you may applaud this as a bit of defiant energy-saving, but I don't understand why any grown person would want to risk broken bones and looking undignified rather than just walk. What's next? Parking lots for Big Wheels?
- A woman in her late 50's married a man several years her senior which made her an instant grandmother. This woman, a board president, no less, came to a meeting one day wearing her 17-year-old stepdaughter's jeans and boasting about it. Yes, she was slim enough to fit in them but she looked absolutely ridiculous in rhinestone coated back pockets and a t-shirt with some sarcastic comment on it. All she was lacking was some bubble gum.
...Or, stay at home and read or watch TV news. There, you will find even grimer evidence of this desperate trend.
- Plastic surgery isn't just for movie stars and it isn't just for women, apparently. People as young as 18 have begun getting breast augnentations, Botox injections and lipo in an effort to stay young and "fit." Men get pec implants to look more buff without having to do the old fashioned thing and work out.
- Are you an over-the-hill athlete? Fear not, even 40+ men can still hit homeruns, score touchdowns and stay in the game. All they have to do is shoot some drugs. Steroids, despite causing acne, mood swings, testicle-shrinking and brain cancers enhance power and strength so that older men can compete in what was once primarily a young man's game.
- No husband? Not getting pregnant? No problem! You can establish that six-figure salary career and never meet Mr. Right nowadays and still have a family. Hey, who cares about the kid's well-being when you can get pregnant at 50 from a test tube? And after the birth, you can get a "mommy makeover" so that you can look 35 when you're pushing around the baby carriage.
- Let's say you're an empty-nest couple. It used to be that you could look forward to retirement, winding down, maybe a little traveling here and there. Well, no more! Now you can divorce and date all over again! Men can date 20-somethings as long as they have Viagra. And women can just get on hormones so they don't have to deal with pesky menopause. Why spend your golden years cooped up at home when you can enjoy one-night stands and binge drinking, just like you did in college?
- Facebook, originally created by a college kid for college kids, is now being marketed as a "networking tool" to kids of all ages. Why pick up a phone and actually talk to your old high school best friend when you can just "friend" her online. That way, you don't have to risk an actual conversation or meeting. Instead, you can just wow her with clever haikus about your latest dental surgery or failed love life. I particularly love the disclaimer on Facebook which tells registered sex offenders that they are "not allowed." That'll stop 'em! More importantly, though, you'll get to "participate" in your kid's life by getting to see what they like and dislike, the pictures uploaded from last Saturday's frat party or even their innermost thoughts about you. This way, you won't feel any added pressure about attending parents weekend or teaching THEM something about life. You can just co-exist in the land of youth, pretending that nature isn't being turned on its head and that this really isn't a desperate attempt on your part to be cool.
I know that growing up is difficult and getting old is even harder. But rather than delay or mask the inevitable, I think people could find it refreshing to just live their lives with a little more grace and a little more self-respect. We do not need and cannot support a society full of 20-somethings. There has to be balance. Older people, with their wrinkles and their life experiences offer something entirely different to the world. They offer perspective, history and maturity. Most of all, they offer wisdom and the assurance that life will go on, no matter what.
It is impossible to age gracefully when you are doing everything in your power to avoid aging. Rather than rushing to open a Facebook page to read about what other people are doing, how about picking up the phone or making a real connection with someone? True intimacy and friendship is actually formed offline, when you take the time to share yourself with a few people who really care about you, and not whether you're wearing jeans from the junior department on your recently lipo-ed butt.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Resolutions
As 2008 winds down, most everyone is looking ahead to next year. The parties on Wednesday night, the hangover on Thursday and then...Stark, cold reality. It's not all bad, of course. We have inauguration day to look forward to. And with that, the hope of an all-star cast of characters taking over Washington. Yes, things are in a shambles, but we are holding on because one man told us, "Yes, we can." We can, but we're kidding ourselves if we think it isn't going to take a lot of time, patience and true grit. And not just for president-elect Obama, but for each one of us. Because this time, it's personal in so many ways.
I'm anticipating a milestone birthday this week with mixed feelings. It isn't so much the number itself, but the time it represents. Did I waste these decades? Could I do something differently? It's difficult to not have regrets and yet...and yet...I'm still here. The other day, I read one resolution suggestion that has stuck in my head. It said that instead of asking "why" when bad things happen, we ask ourselves "how" to get past them. This year, rather than trying to hold myself to some impossible standards and feeling guilty when I don't achieve them, I'm going to just take a moment and ask, "how?"
It won't be easy and there will be days when I will forget, but I am promising myself to try. Because I'm just tired of sitting by and doing nothing. The last few years and in particular, this election, have made me realize that there is more to life than working out, eating right, calling your mother regularly and going to church. Those are all important components but what if, instead of merely tolerating another day, we tried to do something about it? Tried- really tried- to improve the circumstances we dislike the most? If each person would simply start the day with the idea that no matter what they do for a living, they are really working for themselves, productivity and outlook would improve. Most people give 99% of their best work over to their bosses, leaving that measly 1% to flicker and simper and dwindle and die each day. What if we gave our best to ourselves? What if we just took some time to really believe that our dreams still matter? Will always matter, whatever age one is?
Today I came back from a very peaceful Christmas with my family. Because of weather conditions, we stayed in my parents' home, the six of us and a dog, for three straight days. And it made me think about all the minutes, hours, days and weeks I spent with my parents and brother over the course of my childhood and early adulthood. Exactly what day did it all come to an end? It isn't written any place for posterity. There is no plaque on the wall to commemorate the date. It just all simply stopped one day. At first, I was sad about this but I now realize that the question isn't "why" or "when" it ended, the question is once again, "how." How to keep alive our family relationships. As it turns out, fate decided it for us, with very little planning or notice. Some of the activities were contrived, but mostly, it was all preordained.
In the morning, I arrived at work and the head of my department made a decision to confront me about the fact that I was an hour late. She did not ask me how my Christmas was or if my trip had gone smoothly. She just wanted to make a federal case out of the fact that I was not at work on time. This person considers herself to be a Christian, a good person. And yet...what could be so important about that one hour that she could not restrain herself, after my absence had been explained, from verbally attacking me and from abandoning her good will? Did she have any good will? Further, why should I even care?
We care because work has become so much of our lives that we can't discern between family and colleagues anymore. It's criminal that we see the people who pay us, more often than the people who love and support us emotionally. The system is sick and flawed. Again, why ask "why?" How to get out of this situation should be the only consideration.
There are any number of ways I could have confronted this person. I tried to stay calm and reasonable and I think I did a good job. But the bottom line is, that until others can embrace the idea of civility and respect for others, it is our job to be civil and respectful of ourselves. If that seems like a selfish notion, consider that if your spirit is broken and your morale is gone, you will have nothing left to give to others. It is for the greater good that one should look inside oneself and love what they see. This life is a gift and it is to be guarded, protected and nurtured at all costs. Silly, selfish bosses be damned!
In the end, I know that I am only one person- insignificant in the grand scheme of things. But if I don't try now, who will? It's easy to make excuses. Easy to berate oneself. It takes courage and honor to stand up and take positive action. To try to tackle the hard questions. And most of all, to be honest with oneself. "Why" doesn't matter. "Why" is the past. The future is "How."
I'm anticipating a milestone birthday this week with mixed feelings. It isn't so much the number itself, but the time it represents. Did I waste these decades? Could I do something differently? It's difficult to not have regrets and yet...and yet...I'm still here. The other day, I read one resolution suggestion that has stuck in my head. It said that instead of asking "why" when bad things happen, we ask ourselves "how" to get past them. This year, rather than trying to hold myself to some impossible standards and feeling guilty when I don't achieve them, I'm going to just take a moment and ask, "how?"
It won't be easy and there will be days when I will forget, but I am promising myself to try. Because I'm just tired of sitting by and doing nothing. The last few years and in particular, this election, have made me realize that there is more to life than working out, eating right, calling your mother regularly and going to church. Those are all important components but what if, instead of merely tolerating another day, we tried to do something about it? Tried- really tried- to improve the circumstances we dislike the most? If each person would simply start the day with the idea that no matter what they do for a living, they are really working for themselves, productivity and outlook would improve. Most people give 99% of their best work over to their bosses, leaving that measly 1% to flicker and simper and dwindle and die each day. What if we gave our best to ourselves? What if we just took some time to really believe that our dreams still matter? Will always matter, whatever age one is?
Today I came back from a very peaceful Christmas with my family. Because of weather conditions, we stayed in my parents' home, the six of us and a dog, for three straight days. And it made me think about all the minutes, hours, days and weeks I spent with my parents and brother over the course of my childhood and early adulthood. Exactly what day did it all come to an end? It isn't written any place for posterity. There is no plaque on the wall to commemorate the date. It just all simply stopped one day. At first, I was sad about this but I now realize that the question isn't "why" or "when" it ended, the question is once again, "how." How to keep alive our family relationships. As it turns out, fate decided it for us, with very little planning or notice. Some of the activities were contrived, but mostly, it was all preordained.
In the morning, I arrived at work and the head of my department made a decision to confront me about the fact that I was an hour late. She did not ask me how my Christmas was or if my trip had gone smoothly. She just wanted to make a federal case out of the fact that I was not at work on time. This person considers herself to be a Christian, a good person. And yet...what could be so important about that one hour that she could not restrain herself, after my absence had been explained, from verbally attacking me and from abandoning her good will? Did she have any good will? Further, why should I even care?
We care because work has become so much of our lives that we can't discern between family and colleagues anymore. It's criminal that we see the people who pay us, more often than the people who love and support us emotionally. The system is sick and flawed. Again, why ask "why?" How to get out of this situation should be the only consideration.
There are any number of ways I could have confronted this person. I tried to stay calm and reasonable and I think I did a good job. But the bottom line is, that until others can embrace the idea of civility and respect for others, it is our job to be civil and respectful of ourselves. If that seems like a selfish notion, consider that if your spirit is broken and your morale is gone, you will have nothing left to give to others. It is for the greater good that one should look inside oneself and love what they see. This life is a gift and it is to be guarded, protected and nurtured at all costs. Silly, selfish bosses be damned!
In the end, I know that I am only one person- insignificant in the grand scheme of things. But if I don't try now, who will? It's easy to make excuses. Easy to berate oneself. It takes courage and honor to stand up and take positive action. To try to tackle the hard questions. And most of all, to be honest with oneself. "Why" doesn't matter. "Why" is the past. The future is "How."
Monday, November 3, 2008
Countdown to Inevitability
In a little more than 24 hours, America will have voted in a new president. Not a few Americans will be relieved to have it over. This election, unfortunately, devolved at some point into a 3-ring circus. Instead of talking about the issues, one candidate embarked on a campaign of "country first," then swiftly began the mud-slinging. Senator John McCain, whose once dignified personna was that of a military hero and a serious politician, became at once desperate and pathetic in his swan song bid for the presidency. He obviously thought he needed to sell out in order to be noticed. His advisors, the people whom he ostensibly hired to help him, have instead instructed him to do things he clearly was not comfortable doing. From selecting Alaska governor Sarah Palin as a running mate to allowing an unlicensed-plumber-turned-Republican-audience-plant to steal the spotlight at his rallies, none of what the McCain campaign has done has reflected favorably on McCain's "heroic" character.
McCain's people have called his oponent, Senator Barack Obama (in no particular order); a terrorist, a socialist, a Marxist, an elitist, un-American, anti-Israel, pro-Middle East, a Washington "insider," and of course, the old standby, inexperienced. Nevermind that Palin's credentials are thinner than that of any previous vice-presidential candidate. Nevermind that Obama stuck to McCain's original promise to run a dignified campaign. Obama has criticized McCain's policies and pointed out disparities in his record, but Obama's camp never once went the route of namecalling.
Sophomoric tactics may work in the short term, but people in general don't respond well to lies and negativity. We teach our children to treat others the way they'd like to be treated. Has McCain treated his opponent with respect? Has his behavior been worthy of a war hero? For that matter, does the McCain campaign REALLY believe that Palin would be what is best for this country? She has been coached, pampered, primped, dressed, rehearsed and coddled all the way. It is hard to discern what, if anything, is genuine about this person. She says she's passionate about helping children with special needs. Is that why she cut Special Olympics funding in Alaska by $100K? Is that why, until she had a Downs Syndrome baby, she never once criticized the Republican legacy of slashing spending for special needs people? Ronald Reagan practically made it a sport yet she never wastes an opportunity to invoke his name. It's just hard to believe that someone who has no trouble being ruthless, brutal and pointlessly nasty personally, could be a caring politician. And she never has stated exactly what she means when she says special needs children will have "a friend in the White House" if she and McCain are elected.
In fact, aside from a faulty health plan and some vague promises about the economy, the only thing that seems to excite McCain is more war. Never quitting. Sending more troops. As both he and Palin say at all of their rallies, they are interested in "winning" Iraq. But they never say what their definition of a win would be. At this point, both sides have lost. And it has nothing to do with ferreting out Osama bin Laden. McCain says he knows how to find bin Laden. Well, then, why hasn't he? He said he'd rather lose an election than lose a war. Well, why doesn't he? Because honestly, putting country first at this point would be asserting one's strongest talents to solve this country's problems. If McCain truly means what he says, he would save his money, concede defeat and focus on what he thinks he can handle. He clearly can't handle the running of this country. Evidence of that is the fact that he can't even handle his campaign.
Tomorrow night, God willing, truth will triumph and America will begin rebuilding itself. Right now, it is damaged and divided. But tomorrow night, perhaps hope will be on the horizon. God willing, we will take the steps to help ourselves- and each other- back to civility and change for the better.
McCain's people have called his oponent, Senator Barack Obama (in no particular order); a terrorist, a socialist, a Marxist, an elitist, un-American, anti-Israel, pro-Middle East, a Washington "insider," and of course, the old standby, inexperienced. Nevermind that Palin's credentials are thinner than that of any previous vice-presidential candidate. Nevermind that Obama stuck to McCain's original promise to run a dignified campaign. Obama has criticized McCain's policies and pointed out disparities in his record, but Obama's camp never once went the route of namecalling.
Sophomoric tactics may work in the short term, but people in general don't respond well to lies and negativity. We teach our children to treat others the way they'd like to be treated. Has McCain treated his opponent with respect? Has his behavior been worthy of a war hero? For that matter, does the McCain campaign REALLY believe that Palin would be what is best for this country? She has been coached, pampered, primped, dressed, rehearsed and coddled all the way. It is hard to discern what, if anything, is genuine about this person. She says she's passionate about helping children with special needs. Is that why she cut Special Olympics funding in Alaska by $100K? Is that why, until she had a Downs Syndrome baby, she never once criticized the Republican legacy of slashing spending for special needs people? Ronald Reagan practically made it a sport yet she never wastes an opportunity to invoke his name. It's just hard to believe that someone who has no trouble being ruthless, brutal and pointlessly nasty personally, could be a caring politician. And she never has stated exactly what she means when she says special needs children will have "a friend in the White House" if she and McCain are elected.
In fact, aside from a faulty health plan and some vague promises about the economy, the only thing that seems to excite McCain is more war. Never quitting. Sending more troops. As both he and Palin say at all of their rallies, they are interested in "winning" Iraq. But they never say what their definition of a win would be. At this point, both sides have lost. And it has nothing to do with ferreting out Osama bin Laden. McCain says he knows how to find bin Laden. Well, then, why hasn't he? He said he'd rather lose an election than lose a war. Well, why doesn't he? Because honestly, putting country first at this point would be asserting one's strongest talents to solve this country's problems. If McCain truly means what he says, he would save his money, concede defeat and focus on what he thinks he can handle. He clearly can't handle the running of this country. Evidence of that is the fact that he can't even handle his campaign.
Tomorrow night, God willing, truth will triumph and America will begin rebuilding itself. Right now, it is damaged and divided. But tomorrow night, perhaps hope will be on the horizon. God willing, we will take the steps to help ourselves- and each other- back to civility and change for the better.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Blurring the Line
Over the summer, the New York Times reported that the Catholic Archdiocese in Pennsylvania has banned Senator Joe Biden from receiving communion because of his pro-choice position. More recently, the Catholic Archdiocese in Denver has not only been vocally advising parishoners on how they should vote (via thinly veiled, continuous references delivered during homilies that have little or nothing to do with that day's readings) but also distributing pamphlets called "Voter's Guide for Serious Catholics" which is published by a group called Catholic Answers Action, based in California.
The Voter's Guide very explicitly instructs readers HOW to vote by outlining what they call the "five non-negotiables," which include abortion, euthanasia, stem cell research, human cloning and homosexual unions. Although this guide stops short of actually naming the candidates and describing their positions, it is obvious what the agenda is.
Nobody expects the church to take a liberal stance on this issue. And certainly, it is hard to imagine ANYONE who is 100% pro-abortion. The term pro-choice refers to people who believe that under individual circumstances, a family or a woman, is able to make the choice that best applies to that situation. That situation could be rape, it could be incest, it could be poverty or, per her doctor's instructions, it might even be the case that it is a decision which needs to be made to protect the life of the baby, the mother, or both. The point is, this is a CHOICE that is best left to the person in the situation and her doctor and God. No one has the right to say what is best for a person or people whom they don't even know. If one truly believes in God, then one can take comfort in the fact that it is for God to judge a person's actions, not others. That being said, people must enact laws which protect all life, including the unborn, and this has been done. If Roe v. Wade is repealed, abortion will not go away. It will continue, as it did before Roe v. Wade, under despicable, unsanitary conditions which will benefit no one. Many women who seek abortions do so out of desperation, as a last resort. It is shameful to heap further guilt and horror on these women by staking out clinics and harassing those who use them.
Certainly, it is good and right to peaceably protest abortion and pray for solutions. It would be a great world if rape and incest and poverty and horror could be erased from our landscape. But the Catholic Church, in objecting to abortion, has done nothing to prevent unwanted pregnancy in the first place. Banning contraception, even for married couples, is wrong. No, contraceptives won't slow the rate of incest and rape but it would be a step in a responsible direction. The Church allows people with faulty hearts to take preventative steps such as medications and surgeries. It doesn't discourage or ban medical intervention in these cases, calling whatever happens "God's will." So why would it ban responsible contraceptive use? In this day and age, it is simply immoral to disallow poor couples contraception. It encourages people to have families they cannot manage or afford and it burdens the world's resources. Instead of only talking about abortion, the Church should take steps to ensure that people have access to proper health care and reproductive, responsible choice BEFORE it is too late. If and until that happens, there will continue to be abortions and other issues, such as capital punishment, war and other threats to human life will apparently take a back seat.
What would Jesus do? On election day, vote with your conscience, not your church.
The Voter's Guide very explicitly instructs readers HOW to vote by outlining what they call the "five non-negotiables," which include abortion, euthanasia, stem cell research, human cloning and homosexual unions. Although this guide stops short of actually naming the candidates and describing their positions, it is obvious what the agenda is.
Nobody expects the church to take a liberal stance on this issue. And certainly, it is hard to imagine ANYONE who is 100% pro-abortion. The term pro-choice refers to people who believe that under individual circumstances, a family or a woman, is able to make the choice that best applies to that situation. That situation could be rape, it could be incest, it could be poverty or, per her doctor's instructions, it might even be the case that it is a decision which needs to be made to protect the life of the baby, the mother, or both. The point is, this is a CHOICE that is best left to the person in the situation and her doctor and God. No one has the right to say what is best for a person or people whom they don't even know. If one truly believes in God, then one can take comfort in the fact that it is for God to judge a person's actions, not others. That being said, people must enact laws which protect all life, including the unborn, and this has been done. If Roe v. Wade is repealed, abortion will not go away. It will continue, as it did before Roe v. Wade, under despicable, unsanitary conditions which will benefit no one. Many women who seek abortions do so out of desperation, as a last resort. It is shameful to heap further guilt and horror on these women by staking out clinics and harassing those who use them.
Certainly, it is good and right to peaceably protest abortion and pray for solutions. It would be a great world if rape and incest and poverty and horror could be erased from our landscape. But the Catholic Church, in objecting to abortion, has done nothing to prevent unwanted pregnancy in the first place. Banning contraception, even for married couples, is wrong. No, contraceptives won't slow the rate of incest and rape but it would be a step in a responsible direction. The Church allows people with faulty hearts to take preventative steps such as medications and surgeries. It doesn't discourage or ban medical intervention in these cases, calling whatever happens "God's will." So why would it ban responsible contraceptive use? In this day and age, it is simply immoral to disallow poor couples contraception. It encourages people to have families they cannot manage or afford and it burdens the world's resources. Instead of only talking about abortion, the Church should take steps to ensure that people have access to proper health care and reproductive, responsible choice BEFORE it is too late. If and until that happens, there will continue to be abortions and other issues, such as capital punishment, war and other threats to human life will apparently take a back seat.
What would Jesus do? On election day, vote with your conscience, not your church.
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