Eight Years of Credit

A phone rings somewhere in the White House. GWB, trying to do a crossword puzzle, looks around for help but the phone keeps ringing. Irritated, he goes to answer it.

GWB: Yes? Hello?

Caller: Uh...Mr. President? Good evening. This is Jim, from Citibank. I'm calling because it looks like there has been some unusual activity on your account this month.

GWB: You people have been calling for a few years now. What could be the matter?

Caller: Well, sir, it seems that you continue to post highly suspicious activity on your Titanium Plus card and...

GWB (clearly flummoxed): Isn't Daddy paying the minimum due? I don't see why you have to bother me at home. I'm very busy, you know.

Caller: Of course, sir. We don't mean to trouble you. You and your family have been most excellent Citibank clients. It's just that, well, it's my job to investigate any sign of particularly active accounts. It's all for your protection.

GWB: My protection? I don't need protection. I know what's best for me and for this country. I talk directly to God, you know.

Caller: Um, ok. Yes, I mean, we don't mean to in any way imply that you're not in control. Of course you're in control. But if you would just allow me to...

GWB (becoming irritated): Come on! I'm missing "American Idol!" What do you want?

Caller: Well, sir. Again, there seems to be some unusual activity on your card. The problem is that you are very close to the limit and of course, we'd be happy to keep extending it. But I am obliged to ask you if you think you might be able to pay some of this down soon.

GWB: This is an outrage! My daddy is not going to be happy. I get to buy whatever I want, when I want.

Caller: Mr. President, please. We are not trying to censor your spending habits. This is a collaborative effort, between us and the client. I'm simply trying to get an idea of when we might expect something more than the minimum from you. Certainly, you'd like to pay this down and perhaps lower your interest, too?

GWB: Lower my interest?? My interest is with the American people!! I don't care about anything you're saying. This is crazy talk. You obviously are with the terrorists. The American people want me to keep spending. It's for their protection. It's for the past and the future of America. Are you all terrorists or something? I'll bet your boss is with Al-Qaeda. I'm switching to Chase.

Caller: Sir, I'm not a terrorist. I'm calling from Kansas. All I am trying to do is to ask you a few questions pertaining to your account.

GWB: Well, come on. What is it that you want?

Caller: Beyond trying to get down some of the trillion dollars that you've got on this card, we are also noticing recurring charges to something called Halliburton. Also, have you recently been in Falujah?

GWB (deep sigh): Ok, ok. You got me. Just please don't call Daddy. We can work this out. Do you take Mastercard?